If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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