my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
