i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
