cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
