How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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