I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
