The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
