Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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