I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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