so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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