i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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