you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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