hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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