the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This baby is an asshole
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
