I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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