Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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