we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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