my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
