dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
