he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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