just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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