Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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