i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Two words: blizzard sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
