She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
