Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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