I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
