Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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