Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
