six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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