I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
