You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
