Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
