This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
