somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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