If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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