It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize