Please, let me fuck your mom
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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