i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
