Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Someone shit on the floor
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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