It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize