We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
