Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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