if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
