I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
