we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my poor anus
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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