I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
