my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
