she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
