i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
