Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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