I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
