that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
