dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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