hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
