it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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