i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
