Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Green mimosas i think yes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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