How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
