Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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