Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
