So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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