By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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