the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
