So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
