You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
