What a fucking waste of an outfit
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
