For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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