me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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