I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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