People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
