So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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