Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A bitchslap is in order.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize