After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
