At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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