First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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