ugly people sure do ruin things
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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