You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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