You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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