Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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