i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
