Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize