Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
