Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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