i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize