Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
