apparently the secret to your success is patron
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
